1. Work out the meaning of life.

2. Stare at your teacher. Occasionally lick your teeth.

3. When studying gravity, ask how ghosts hover.

4. Laugh heartily at everything. Make sure you snort.

5. Dissemble your pen, and propell small objects with the spring. Go collect these objects, especially the ones which accidenally fell in your teacher’s tea.

6. Wear a black hooded cloak to class. When asked to remove it, pull out your scythe.

7. Ask what units centimetres are in. Repeat for metres, kilograms etc.

8. When asking questions, wave your hand annoyingly above your head and pant “pick me! oh pick me!”

9. Sulk when you aren’t picked. 

10. If you are picked, stand and bow to your classmates, with stage whisper “See, I told you he liked me best”

11. Test the stability of your stool.

12. Test the stability of your classmate’s stool

13. Test the stability of your teacher’s stool/ spindly chair

14. Blow kisses to your classmates. Or your teacher. 

15. Ask the teacher what he thought of Sir Bedevere’s opinion on page 45 of the text book. 

16. Correct the teacher at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name. Claim several of the letters are silent- “it’s Smith... no... with a silent i...”

17. Everytime someone enters the room get up and yell “IMPOSTER!”

18. When the lights are turned on, take your sunglasses out of your pocket and put them on. 

19. Every quarter of an hour, take a sheet of paper and write “Sign Up Sheet #...|” on the top

20. Bring your imaginary friend to your lessons. Make sure he gets both a stool, and a work sheet. Whilst the teacher is talking whisper loudly “TIMOTHY! do be quiet! stop being so rude...”

21. Watch the lesson through a pair of binoculars. 

22. Mexican wave.

23. In case of inspector, prepare a chant: “Give me a P! give me an H! Give me an Y! Give me an S! Give me an I! Give me a C! Give me an S!”

24. Before answering questions, get down on your knees, and pray for God’s help. 

25. Use the experiment mirrors from your experiment to apply your make up. Badly.

26. Give out healthy snacks of fruit. Give an apple to your teacher. Or two.

27. Replace the board pens with permenant markers.

28. Add an extra I in pens between the n and the s. (A favourite at KE)

29. Shout “AMAZING! WOW!” after really obvious facts.

30. Ask why you’re present.

31. Play “Scratch and sniff” with all the photos in the physics book. 

32. Hold up a piece of paper saying “check your fly!”

33. Ask Sir why he is still in his PJs

34. Sit at the front, sniff suspiciouslly and ask sir if he’s been drinking.

35. Inform your teacher that you think he’s so good he needs to be treated like royalty. Clash your cymbals every time he starts talking.

36. Rip paper loudly.

37. Sing your questions.

38. Refuse to speak until your lawyer is present.

39. Ask if the first chapter will be in the text. When answered no, rip out the pages. Torch.

40. Become entranced by your lesson. Swear to pusue a profession in units of measurement.

41. Speak in riddles.

42. Cough loudly everytime the teacher talks to you, and ask him to repeat the question. 

43. Pretend to be doing a project on your physics teacher, bring your camera. Get photos of him with the board, the rules, the pipettes etc.

44.  Sit and colour in your work sheets. Forget to anwer the questions on it.

45. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes ask the teacher to speak louder.

46. Smoke a pipe and wear a trillby. Respond to each point the teacher makes by raising your hat, waving your pipe and saying “Quite right old bean!”

47. Comment on how everything the teacher is doing is bad for the environment. Add annoying phrases such as “you’re deepening your carbon footprint”, “think of the children in Africa...” Shake your  head with deep disapproval.

48. Speak in a foreign language. Insist on having your translator present.

49. Wear a mexican hat.

50. Watch out the window. Everytime a yellow car passes, hit everyone within reach.